On civil discourse

On this contentious election day, I hope this country can overcome its partisan differences and unite as Americans. It sounds impossible, but the brightest hours are always after the darkest nights. To contribute to civil discourse, the following is a response to the piece “Dear Men: Are You Lonely?” by Connor Marrott. While I respect his work, I disagree with his opinion on this issue. I recommend you read his piece so you can develop your interpretation. Don’t forget to vote if you haven’t already. 

As a kid at the dinner table, my parents often regaled me and my sister with tales from their younger years. When they were my age, they were outside most of the day. My mom still jokes that people gave her strange looks if you came home before the porch lights turned on in her neighborhood. My dad talks about much of the same, with only Dungeons and Dragons played indoors. 

I tell you this because it is entirely different from what I know. As a child, I spent significant time inside, with screens becoming commonplace around the 4th or 5th grade. Social media has “connected” people, but isolated them by filtering their social life through blue light. It is why my childhood and those of late Gen Z and Gen Alpha look completely different from kids only 15 years ago. 

Returning to Marrott’s piece, he praises the growing role of women in modern society. I agree with him completely. Women are doing great things in this world and that should be celebrated. It is the mark of a growing society that women measure among business leaders, doctors, engineers and presidential candidates. This is progress, but we can not ignore the genuine hardships of young men. 

It’s difficult to say young men are having a hard time. Most people don’t care to listen to that rhetoric. While it may not be a popular statement, the data does not lie. The rise of social media I spoke of earlier has created a massive loneliness crisis that has affected young men significantly more than young women.

This new male loneliness is not a reaction to growing female power. It’s a sense of hopelessness taken out on others. According to the CDC, four out of five people who die by suicide are men. According to a study cited in the Los Angeles Times, 66 percent of men between the ages of 18 and 23 say “no one really knows me.” Fifteen percent lack a single close friend, a figure that has quintupled since the 1990s.

Social media is just one aspect of this decline in mental well-being. Gen Z is on track to become the first generation to be financially worse off than our parents. As trade schools and the military have declined as career choices, men who aren’t suited for college are left idle. This has made it difficult for men who desire to be providers for their families. As the saying goes, “Idle minds are the devil’s workshop.” These idle minds have turned to hating women, idolizing “strongmen” like Andrew Tate and Donald Trump and participating in harmful sexual behavior described in Marrott’s piece. 

Beyond that, the proportion of the American population consisting of single adults has jumped from 13 percent in 1960 to 29 percent in 2022. There is a desire to develop relationships and do meaningful work. In a world where being single is more common than ever because of social media, we are failing to meet the core human need for connection.

To concisely voice my respectful disagreement with the argument in Connor’s piece, male loneliness, Andrew Tate, far-right populism and poor treatment of women is not a reaction to growing female empowerment. It is a response to a culture where men are isolated because of a chronically-online culture. 

There is one question that should be on everyone’s mind: how do we fix it? What can we do about this slip toward gender extremism? Marrott notes therapy and approaching a girl as a possible treatment. However, this is only a bandaid. Society needs strong positive male role models who do not dement masculinity with conspicuous consumption and harmful ideologies.

Masculinity and femininity are inherently good aspects of humanity. The crisis among young men shows what happens when one of these gets hijacked by those taking advantage of desperate people. As a Catholic and a believer in the dignity of all people, I believe that we should be doing more to address the mental health epidemic, especially among men.