If you’re stressed for this upcoming finals season, stop worrying. Here are seven study secrets that guarantee you an A+ on all your exams without studying more. Normal study guides won’t tell you these tips. 99.9% of students will fail their exams because they don’t know these secrets.
Be on Adderall without being on Adderall
We cannot change the fact that Notre Dame “WILL NOT TOLERATE MISUSE of stimulant drugs.” But what if I told you there was a way to get the effects of Adderall without actually taking it? This is a tip I learned from a friend a year ago and will now share with you. If you pretend you are on Adderall, you can trick your mind into actually thinking you are on Adderall. Many students have tried this and witnessed exponential improvement in their productivity. Just make sure you’re not pretending to take Adderall and pretending to drink alcohol at the same time.
Biohacking
Biohacking is the future of productivity so if you aren’t utilizing it, you’re living in the past. Entrepreneur and lifestyle guru Dave Asprey defines biohacking as “changing the environment around you and inside you so you have more control over your own biology.” From cryotherapy, sleeping on a spiky mattress and drinking coffee blended with butter to walking barefoot, taking 40 supplements daily and inserting microchips into your body, there are numerous ways to capitalize on your biological potential this exam season. Some people might roll their eyes, they may even call you crazy, but you’ll be the one laughing once your brain and body are a fine-tuned productivity machine. Does it work? Just ask the 3000 Patagonia vest-wearing Silicon Valley entrepreneurs at Asprey’s last convention. According to Asprey, “Most people have twice as much energy potential, but they’re doing hundreds of small things that hold them back.” So are you going to let these things hold you back this semester, or are you going to eat, sleep and breathe biohacking? I call on each and every one of you to leave behind the weak semblance of a student you are now and embrace biohacking.
Develop a gambling addiction
Gambling is a great way to let out your frustrations and boost your adrenaline before starting a study session. What’s great about gambling is how low of a time commitment it is. You can lose win $1000 in seconds then get right back to the books with a renewed energy boost. This makes gambling the perfect study break that actually maximizes your productivity.
Learning via osmosis
The secret Big Library doesn’t want you to know is that there are other ways to acquire knowledge besides active studying. Research shows that information can seep into your brain through contact. Therefore, by merely holding your textbook to your head, you can learn the material. Throw out your pillows and sleep on your textbook. Those eight hours previously wasted on sleep are now time you’re spending acquiring information. This will increase your knowledge acquisition rate by 33.33%. Other students will not be able to keep up.
Refuse to conform
The library is where everyone goes to study, so by going to the library, you will get the same grades as everyone else. If you study in English like most other students, you will get the same questions wrong. Attempt studying in Polish or Dutch. Finding niche study spots, languages and other techniques and keeping them a secret will maximize your academic edge over your classmates.
Maintain control
You need to control the narrative leading up to the exam date. The last thing you want to do is let your classmates know what you’re thinking, how you feel or how much you studied. Knowledge is power, so you must deprive them of it. Never show weakness. Always be one step ahead. If your classmate is making flashcards, you should already have a deck made. If a fellow student is going to office hours, you should already be getting dinner with your TA on Tuesday night. Never show your hand. If you don’t know the answer to an exam question, simply write: “This question is too basic for me to answer.” You cannot fail when you are in control.
Eat for success
According to science, certain foods increase brainpower. Because time is of the essence, I concocted the most effective recipe that combines all the brain foods in one meal. Better yet, all the ingredients can be found in the dining hall. To make this brain-powering meal, grab a spinach wrap from the sandwich station. While you’re there, pile on some leafy greens, broccoli and avocado spread. Next, hurry over to the leftover breakfast foods and pile on some eggs. For a bit of a crunch, add some walnuts and chocolate chips from the ice cream station. Finally, add whatever fish the dining hall serves that day and pour some olive oil. After that, take it to the sandwich press and cook on medium-high heat for one minute. And just like that you have a delicious meal that will make you smarter.
Allison Abplanalp is a junior finance and accounting major. If she could change one thing about the English language, she would make "a lot" one word. Her least favorite month is March because every year she is devastated when she fails to pick the perfect March Madness bracket. You can contact Allison at aabplana@nd.edu.
