People don’t really pay attention to goodbye. Most of the time, it is a common pleasantry, a simple endpoint to an interaction. However, goodbye becomes powerful when life gives a timeline of when and where you will say it again to a specific person. When you understand that it is the last time you may see something or someone for an extended period of time, you begin to value it more. Coming to college was the first time that I really had to say goodbye. I first had to say goodbye to my dog, brother and home.
The hardest goodbye was saved for last. Saying goodbye to my parents at welcome weekend in August was one of the most challenging and emotional things I have ever had to do. I remember desperately putting off seeing them that day because I knew it would be the last time I would see their faces for a few months. Finally, I got a text message saying that they were out front of the dorm and had to leave to get to the airport, so I walked out and we said goodbye. That image of them slowly walking away from the dorm, heading toward the rented Mazda SUV, was etched into my mind for a few months after they left. The moment they drove away, everything seemed to change. I was on my own in a different state and time zone. Before college, it felt like I was always going away for short periods of time and then coming back home to my family. Now, I only get to spend a few weeks with them before leaving to be on my own again. The word and action of goodbye seemed to invert my entire life.
Struggling with homesickness is standard in college, especially for people far from home. In this article, I want to share some things I miss most about home and some advice I have learned about coping with homesickness.
The things that I miss most from home have often surprised me. I find myself missing the small things the most. In my hometown, I used to live in a house surrounded by mountains. During the summer, around 7 p.m., the sun would dip perfectly behind the hills, creating purple and orange hues of light in the sky. My dad would be at the grill on the side patio, making something for dinner and listening to Jimmy Buffett and Bob Marley. I remember the soft breeze from the ocean made everything feel calm. I would eat dinner at the patio table with my family, and we would talk about that day and week ahead. The temperature would drop, the light would fade and the dishes would be cleared from the patio table.
I also miss my mother’s “mandatory” Friday family pizza and movie night. I don’t miss the film, but I miss the conversations that accompanied them. I miss talking with my parents and making fun of people in the movie. Conversation is one of the things I miss most. I miss the long car rides to Lake Tahoe, where there was nothing else to do but listen to music, talk and look out at the wilderness and mountains on the empty two-lane roads.
During the first semester of college, I didn’t really have a chance to stop and think about everything I missed. I was so involved in meeting new friends and learning to navigate clubs and other activities that I overlooked how much I missed my home and family. College was a fun and welcomed distraction. Coming back from winter break, homesickness really hit me hard. I was on my own again, sick and in freezing cold conditions. However, I learned that reaching out in times like that is essential. Surrounding yourself with friends is a really important way to feel supported. In times of severe homesickness, it can be easy to retreat into the sadness and depression that you are feeling, but it is crucial to push through and reach out. The most challenging but helpful thing for me was telling my parents about my feelings and what I was going through. Setting up a time each day to talk or FaceTime with them has really helped me to understand that even though I am thousands of miles away, my family will always be there.
If you or someone you know is feeling homesick, here are some resources at Notre Dame: student health and wellness and McWell.
Declan is a surviving biochemistry major at the University of Notre Dame. He is usually trying to figure out how to work the printer. Contact at dburke7@nd.edu.
