Dear Fr. Dowd,
I write to you from a place of full humility. I am AnnahMarie Behn, a senior electrical engineering major at Our Lady’s University, and I am scared.
For the past two weeks, I have walked the grounds from Flaherty Hall to the Grotto to Stinson Remick to Haggar Hall and have felt fear brewing inside me.
I am terrified that my loved ones might suddenly vanish after an ICE raid. I am worried that Medicaid will be frozen for my mom’s doctor appointments, ones that are critical that she keeps.
I am scared that I will not be financially supported in graduate school, as halted federal funding will prevent me from following my calling in medical research.
I am worried that I will be discriminated against as a woman and as a black individual if I need to enter industry directly after graduation — and that I will have no recourse as equal opportunity is being stripped away faster than my eyes can process.
Worst of all, I feel as though I am going crazy, manufacturing this fear inside of my head.
Students aren’t talking about this fear. Professors aren’t talking about this fear. The University administration is not talking about this fear.
With each passing day, my isolation bubbles, and I feel my hope draining out of me. I question if the people I sit next to in class understand, or if my professors notice my attention drifting when that fear begins churning in my stomach once more. If they do, why can’t I hear anything? What I hear is the snowballing rhetoric that I should not expect to belong at this University. If I care about diversity of thought and community, I am told that I should not plan on Notre Dame having my back.
I read that my beliefs are faulty and incoherent as I grapple with my future unraveling right in my hands. As a pit of uncertainty swells in my stomach, I hear students making snide remarks about my merit at this institution. After completing this year’s campus climate survey and reflecting on the last two weeks alone out of my four years at Notre Dame, I have never been so egregiously uncomfortable about my present and uncertain about my future as I am today.
Fr. Dowd, I am a woman of faith. I call on God for his favor, and as written in Mark 9:24, I ask him to strengthen me in my weakest hours. As I am sure you can attest to, there is intense power in community. This walk of faith cannot be done alone, and it cannot be found in the Basilica alone. I adore this University with so much of myself that I write this letter to you out of equal heartbreak and passion.
I hold the words “force for good” so close to my chest that they are practically embedded in my consciousness. I humbly implore you: show us, your Notre Dame family, that our fears are acknowledged and rational. Show us that despite the seeds of polarization being sewn, we do belong here, because our existence is essential to the health of this community.
Please, show me that my claim to being a force for good matters.
Sincerely,
AnnahMarie Behn
class of 2025
Feb. 1
