Perhaps you are like me. Perhaps, like me, you have forgotten the warmth of your mom's hug. Perhaps, like me, your tongue no longer remembers the once familiar taste of your favorite home-cooked meal. Perhaps you find yourself wondering about the ways in which the people that you hold in your heart might have changed, the ways in which you might have changed. Perhaps, like me, you haven't gone home in a year. And perhaps, like me, you have finally started to dream about going home to the people who love you the most.
If you are like me, then this is for you. Here are a few tips to make the most of your long-awaited, much-dreamed-of journey back home.
1. When you meet your family after ages:
Your mom might kiss your forehead with wet cheeks and brimming eyes. Your dad might wrap you in a bone-crushing hug. Who knows, even your brothers might admit half-heartedly that they are glad you are home. When this giant tide of emotions sweeps towards you, brace yourself. And when it hits you, soak in it. Actually, let all of this attention go to your head. It is good to remind yourself that you are so loved.
2. Before you left college, if you were that kid who shut themselves in their room 24/7, change your ways slightly.
Your mom needs to share her favorite songs and her favorite stories with you, and wishes you would perch on the kitchen counter and listen to her yap as she cooks your favorite meals. Your dad wants to go on long walks with you, talk about politics and the world and the future. And whether you realize it or not, even you need memories of conversations and laughter to carry you through another year away from your family.
3. One day, when you are at home, your nine-year-old brother wraps his tiny arms around you, buries his head against your chest and tells you that he accidentally said the F-word in class. He doesn't know what it means, only that it is not good. Perhaps you will remember that when you were nine, you did not know of the existence of this word. You will remember that at nine, you were shielded from so much. Perhaps you will feel guilty, and then angry, because you have become the sister who sees her brother once a year, a sister who cannot shield her brother from the bad things of the world. Perhaps you will be tempted in that moment to gather your brother up into your arms, scrape his tongue and his mind clean of the word and tuck him away in a safe corner of your heart, until you think he is ready to know.
But I hope you will have the strength to tilt his chin up, until his head is level with your shoulders. I hope you will tell him that he doesn't have to feel shame for a word that accidentally fell out of his mouth. I hope you will tell him that words hold power, and that he should use them not to hurt, but to heal. I hope you can let him go and know him as he wants to be known, not as the baby, eternally preserved in your heart, but as a boy learning to walk alone, a boy who will encounter the world in unique ways, make mistakes and even get hurt, a boy who will one day become a strong, good man.
4. At Notre Dame, we are inspired, or forced, to be productive by factors outside of ourselves.
It is easier not to doom-scroll, easier not to binge-watch, easier not to sleep through the day, when you have classes you must get to, assignments due at noon and dinner dates at SDH.
But then you go back home, and your day begins to fall apart. You are too tired from working hard all year, and you just don't have the energy to motivate yourself to do the things you want to do, to resist the temptation to engage in habits that you promised you would stay away from.
If you are someone who fears that your lack of structure at home will lead you down an unhealthy spiral, reach out to the people that you trust. Ask them if they could be your accountability partners. Ask your friends if they can check in with you, make sure that you are doing okay.
Don't be afraid to be vulnerable, to lean on those who love you.
We can't do this ourselves.
5. Don't waste time and energy attempting to create a perfect month with your family, filled to the brim with carefully curated memories. As much as you try, this simply will not happen.
There will be days when every annoying word and action of your sibling will be the straw that breaks the camel's back. There will be days when you will throw your good resolutions to the winds, pick the first fight, sulk in a corner and refuse to admit that you are in the wrong. There will be days when your parents will wound you with questions about the future that you don't have answers to, days when slivers of your shared past that you are trying to heal from rise to the surface.
Prepare yourself for all of this, and realize that you are an imperfect person going home to your imperfect family. But go home knowing that your family is so much more than its imperfections. Go home to experience those unexpected moments of beauty you simply cannot create, your mother's listening silence as you tell her about that hard week of nightmares, your dad's gentle hand on your shoulder after you tell him about the ways you messed up. Go home to the place where you will always be seen, to the place where you can be fully yourself.
Go home to the love that is always waiting for you.
Hannah Alice Simon was born and raised in Kerala, India, and moved to the U.S. for college with the dream of thriving in an intellectual environment that celebrates people with disabilities. On campus, you will mostly see her taking the longest routes to classrooms with her loyal cane, Riptide, by her side. She studies psychology and English with minors in musical theatre and theology. You can contact Hannah at hsimon2@nd.edu.
