It’s snowing today. Snowing!
You can read that line as an ecstatic exclamation or a disappointed one, depending on your feelings about the wonderful phenomenon of drifting crystallized water.
I was talking with my roommate in our kitchen when I noticed it. I’m pretty sure I cried, “It’s snowing!” with more enthusiasm than I thought I could muster today. I surprised myself with that reaction — not the delight I felt, but the energy I found to share it.
I haven’t had much energy lately. Senior year. Burnout. Professors are just as stressed as students. There’s more, too. Recent discoveries about my own mental health have been occupying my brain and affecting my ability to function. I’m shocked I remembered this column.
Running on empty when it’s time to floor it.
That’s a lie, actually, I didn’t remember the column. I was making a grocery list to avoid thinking about the work I’m going to be behind on soon and checked my phone’s “Reminders” in case I had thought of something another day, and I saw the reminder to write the column.
Floor it. That sounds weird now, does it sound weird to you?
Every time I think about my obstacles, I feel self-conscious and remember that others are going through similar, if not worse situations. And yes, I’ve learned that those things don’t negate my own (same goes for you, my friend), but my brain still fires those messages anyway.
It’s still snowing. I walked outside this morning to feel the snow on my face and see my breath in the air and be mesmerized.
I don’t remember what I wanted the point of this column to be now — I had an excellent point about snow, then I thought about snow and forgot my excellent point. I’m not sure it was even excellent, but it might’ve resembled a point.
Snow! Oh, I remember now. I remember feeling like the snow. Like a little ghost frozen in time, just drifting…subject to the whims of an indiscriminate wind. And I was spellbound by the snow, thinking about when it really snows,
everything
goes
quiet.
I know it takes certain circumstances for that quiet to come and settle down for a while, and we’ve still got the toughest month to go in the semester. And I’m realizing that unintentionally, this column is a reflection of my brain — just the foggy surface. That mental health discovery? ADHD. I’m almost 22. That’s an early discovery for women.
So, I guess to bring this column to a close, I want to shout out to all of you going through similar discoveries. It’s hard. And really inconvenient timing.
If you’re feeling like the snow, you are not alone. Every single person’s experience is different and valid, and you are not alone. If you are looking for a quiet mind, you are not alone. I don’t know how the next few weeks will happen, but I’m thinking of you, and I’m drifting by your side. Weathering the wind.
You can contact Madeline at mlaw01@saintmarys.edu.
The views expressed in this Inside Column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.